


The Days After

by luciferrising_inthetardis



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Azkaban, Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Mild Blood, Past Relationship(s), Past Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Suicidal Thoughts, past wolfstar - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:48:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24206167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luciferrising_inthetardis/pseuds/luciferrising_inthetardis
Summary: Cataloging Sirius' actions and experiences in the days and weeks following the attack in Godric's Hollow
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 5





	The Days After

The days after Godric’s Hollow were the worst of his life.

Upon his arrival at Potter Manor Sirius’ heart shattered. He stepped into the house, around the debris scattered across the floor, and stumbled towards the body of his fallen brother. James lay in a crumpled heap at the foot of the stairs where he had no doubt made some desperate last ditch effort to reason with Voldemort, to protect his wife and child. Sirius collapsed to the floor, pulling James’ limp body into his lap. He felt tears stream down his cheeks as he gingerly carded his hand through his brother’s hair.

After what felt like a lifetime he pulled himself to his feet and up the stairs. Nothing could prepare him for the emotions that flooded through him as he entered Harry’s room and saw Lily lying on the floor, in the same lifeless state as James.

He wanted to scream, to cry, to disappear from existence. How could he have been so wrong? How could they have been so easily misled? So easily betrayed?

He heard the sound of another wizard arriving, and looked out the bedroom window to see Hagrid approaching the manor. In that moment he knew that Harry would be alright, that Hagrid would take him to Dumbledore who would know what to do. Sirius had business to tend to, a rat to exterminate.

\---

With the use of his animagus senses it didn’t take long for Sirius to track the traitor down.

He found Peter in the middle of a muggle street, and it was obvious from the way he was picking up his pace that the traitor was aware of Sirius’ presence. Giving up all pretense of stealth, Sirius picked up his pace, pushing hastily through a rather large group of muggles so as not to lose sight of his mark.

Peter had stopped several hundred feet in front of him; he was looking right at Sirius. He maintained eye contact as he pulled a rather impressive knife from one of his pockets and proceeded to start hacking away at his finger. Sirius slowed in his movements as confusion overtook him, unable to peel his attention away from the gorey scene Wormtail was creating.

By the time the finger was fully severed and had fallen to the ground Sirius was moving again, but he was still too far away when Peter pulled out his wand and decimated the street they were on, along with the dozen or so muggles that were meandering past, too caught up in their conversations to pay any mind to the man standing just in front of them, blood streaming from a stump of flesh on his hand where a finger had once been. Sirius barely had time to find his own cover, let alone save anyone else.

When the aurors arrived he was still hiding in the corner of some alley, sweaty and covered in soot from the explosion.

\---

Alastor Moody led the team that had apprehended Sirius in the outskirts of muggle London. He, along with the other members of his team, had been quick to assume Sirius’ guilt. In all fairness the scene, as it was laid out, did make a compelling argument towards the obvious betrayal of Sirius Black.

Apparently, there were downsides to becoming an animagus illegally, namely that no one in the Ministry nor the Order was aware of the fact that Peter Pettigrew had the ability to transform into a rat, and without that crucial piece of information it was impossible to convince the aurors that Peter had successfully fled the scene of the attack.

Within 48 hours of being captured Sirius was informed that his guilt was evident and, since no one else had survived the attack in order to testify against him, there would be no trial.

He was given a sheet of parchment and a quill and told he was entitled to one letter. He sat for hours staring at that empty parchment wondering who he could possibly write to, and what would he even say? Eventually he decided that if anyone would be willing to hear him out it would be Remus. He had to at least try.

_Dear Remus,_   
_I know the evidence against me is compelling, but you have to know that I would never betray James. He was my brother, my family when I had no one else. If it had been possible I would gladly have given my life for him. I made a mistake, the worst mistake I could’ve made. I trusted the wrong person. Even worse, I didn’t trust you. I don’t know how I let myself be convinced that you were the spy, but I did. I’m so sorry, Re. Words can’t express how sorry I am. I love you, and now I’ve lost everyone. I’ve lost my brother, my friends, and now I fear I’ve lost you. Please, Re, I’m so sorry._   
_All my love,_   
_Sirius_

He must’ve rewritten the letter a thousand times, but it still didn’t seem quite right. As he prepared to rewrite the letter yet again, Moody came and snatched it up. He sent the letter off to Remus and he sent Sirius off to Azkaban without another thought.

Sirius wouldn’t find out until years later that Remus burned that letter without ever having opened it.

\---

Sirius had heard stories of dementors before, but nothing could have prepared him to actually encounter one. Each time a dementor glided past the barred windows of his dirty little cell he felt like all the light in the world had disappeared.

He managed to last almost an entire week before tears were streaming down his face. Soon, he would lose the energy to even cry. It wasn’t long before he couldn’t recall what his brother’s laugh sounded like, or the way Remus’ hands felt warm on his skin when they were lying in bed together after an exhausting moon.

The thin, shabby blankets provided to him did nothing to ease the bone-deep chill he felt day in and day out. The food was even worse, scraps of meat long past their prime and bread that was likely moments away from sprouting mold.

Eventually he took to leaving the meat out in order to attract rats which he would then kill and eat as Padfoot. Rather than sleeping on the old rickety cot in the corner of his cell, he would drape the blankets over the side, crawl underneath, and sleep as Padfoot. He was always careful to listen for guards performing rounds so as not to be caught in his animagus form. The crimes he had been charged with were already bad enough without adding to them the charge of being an illegal animagus.

The days felt impossibly long, the passage of time losing all meaning in this damp and dirty hell. It was no wonder the prisoners weren’t allowed shoelaces or cutlery of any sort. Death would surely be better than this.

He might have considered a more creative method of offing himself if not for the fact that Peter was still out there. The thought of one day getting his revenge on that rat was the only thing that kept him going.


End file.
